I spent a bunch of time on the road today and I needed something to take my mind off the state of the world. Most of the time I don’t want the algorithm picking tunes for me but I thought it might produce a playlist that wasn’t going to make me more freaked out and anxious. It was a pretty good mix and I added a few songs to my favorites so I can go back another day and check them out. This was one of the songs that was new to me, and I’m bummed to discover that I just missed them playing in NYC last week.
I keep going back and forth between total despair and blinding rage. And in between I have to do my job and give my family emotional support. I kind of bailed on making food the past two days, who felt like eating anyway.
I can’t believe this is only the third day since the election. It already feels like weeks. I can’t take it if we are going to slow walk to the gallows over the next two and a half months. I am too physically wrecked to actually do it, but a part of me really wants to smash things. If I were to go to one of those places where you can destroy things with a sledgehammer, the only thing I’d probably destroy would be my back. It’s all of this repressed grief stored in my muscles. Maybe I will have to take up running or something, just to move it around so it isn’t weighing me down. I have had to lie down every day since Wednesday, just for a few minutes, because it’s so heavy. I’d rather get it out.
I had a couple of rough moments today. I managed to keep it together, and getting outside at lunchtime helped a lot, but I still need to limit my social media time. I don’t have the attention span for much though. Short, sharp, shocked songs kind of match that mood.
You have to start somewhere. You know how, when all the bad shit started happening the first time around, people would say things like, this isn’t who we are, Americans are better than this, and so on. Apparently, no, this is who the majority of the country are and this is, sadly, as American as apple pie.
They are also bigoted, wildly sexist, and just straight up stupid. Nothing will become cheaper and there will not be better or more jobs, they will not be better off financially… I have to stop before I allow myself to think about how really horrific it can get.
I have a theory that the main reason Cheeto ran in the first place was because he couldn’t stand when Obama made that joke about him at the White House Correspondents dinner and everyone laughed. He stormed out. How dare a Black man show him up. Ever since then it’s been one long grievance parade.
I am trying to stay off the doom scrolling but I have checked in here and there on my people. In the process, I am seeing a number of people placing the blame on the Dems abandoning the working class. Well, nothing says abandon the working class completely like putting Elon in charge of anything. Are you telling me that there are people who felt so sure that the Democrats were bad on economic policies that they wouldn’t vote for them, knowing full well that would mean the Tariff King, with his failed businesses and bankruptcies and billionaire buddies, would become president? Make it make sense.
Or the privileged people and their self-righteous stances. I know there is a genocide happening in Gaza. The chances of that ending are gone now. In fact, way more innocent people, in places all over the world and here in the US, will also die. You knew that would happen and you are willing to destroy everything in hopes of some magical coalition of leftists taking over. Ya. Man, if you can make it happen, bravo. But I will not be holding my breath.
I will be taking care of my people. I will cut the rest of you out of my life. We may not have legislative power, or judicial power, but we can withhold our company, our good will, and our money. Stop buying stuff on Amazon. I left Twitter a long time ago but for fuck’s sake, if you are still there, leave. We are going to see a whole lot of people and companies obeying in advance. Keep your eyes open and stop spending your money there.
Down to the wire. I have seen a couple of posts where people say things like, waiting for this election feels like waiting for biopsy results. That’s pretty good, though I’ve waited for biopsy results before and I am more anxious about the malignancy gripping Trumpers than my own test results.
Another metaphor I’ve heard a fair amount is that voting is like taking a bus. Are you going to get on the bus that goes close to your destination or one headed in a completely different direction? We have a two-party system. That isn’t going to change with this election.
When I see people declaring they aren’t voting, or worse, they’re voting for quadrennial grifter Jill Stein, I want to throttle them. We all know today’s Democrats are equivalent to center-right parties in other countries. But this has been a decades-long shift ever rightward, with the MAGA takeover of the Republican party completing their slide into fascism. We don’t recover from that by throwing in the towel because you don’t like the choices.
So here’s my metaphor. We are in a tug of war. The GOP has billionaires and literal Nazis grabbing on the end of their rope and that flag that used to be in the middle has been yanked so far to the right. We need everyone grabbing on to the end of our rope to pull it back to the center. If the lefties let go and walk away, we will lose. If they help us get the flag back to the middle, then we can keep pulling and drag the Dems further to the left. That’s the only way we can get there.
If you are not on social media much, or your algorithm isn’t like mine, you might not be aware that Michael Stipe has been pretty busy lately. A couple of weeks ago he was with Jason Isbell in Pittsburgh for a GOTV rally with Doug Emhoff. Earlier today he was in Atlanta with Jon Bon Jovi at a Harris/Walz event, where you could see Tim Walz and Doug Emhoff in the audience, living their best lives.
The last time I watched a presidential debate was probably in 2008. Maybe I watched one of the Obama v. Romney debates but I don’t think I did. Debates for a primary could be worth it but the format is awful and everyone would be better served by just going to the candidates websites and reading their policy positions. So I had no intention of watching the first debate between Biden and Trump this year. I didn’t (still haven’t) see the train wreck performance that sent everyone panicking. What made me panic was everyone calling for Biden to step down. I was fearful that there’d be a messy and damaging scramble to head up the ticket. I worried that Trump’s people would challenge the validity of whoever ended up as the candidate if Biden dropped out. I felt like the only person who could legitimately take over at that late stage was Kamala Harris, who at least would be able to continue to use the money that had been donated to the campaign since her name was already on the ballot. But I was not confident that the people pushing for Joe to leave were coming to that same conclusion. I had the impression they wanted some kind of open convention and it scared the crap out of me.
Michael was one of those people calling for Biden to get out of the race. He was posting stuff on Instagram and I was increasingly anxious about it. One day he put out a poll asking if people thought Joe should bow out. I was quite sure he wouldn’t see my reply but I felt compelled to respond and I said, Kamala is the only one who can take over, do you realize that, and do you really think that counties in swing states that wouldn’t vote for Hillary will vote for a Black woman? Really?
Needless to say, he didn’t reply. I think any celebrity on social media must get flooded with so many messages that they probably have DMs turned off. I watched the chorus grow louder and louder for Biden to get out of the way and I got more and more anxious. Not that I wanted Biden to be the candidate, I just wished he had said he wasn’t running months earlier. He was too old, Gaza was a nightmare, and people did not want to rehash 2020. But replacing him felt so risky.
When the news broke that he not only dropped out but also endorsed Kamala, I thought, ok, let’s see if that carries enough weight to make the Ezra Kleins and George Clooneys step back. I did not expect the speed and force with which she took control of the situation and got all of the delegates that had pledged to support Biden, to throw their votes behind her. The difference in the campaign, the energy and enthusiasm, it is night and day. I can’t begin to imagine where we all would be right now… I don’t even want to think about it. I can admit that the people begging Joe to pass the torch were right and I thank them for being brave enough to say so.
It turns out that Michael had met Kamala and Doug at a restaurant in 2018. She came over to him and introduced herself by way of explaining that her husband was a big fan. If you haven’t seen any of the clips from any of these events where Michael has appeared, it is so obvious that Doug is still star struck. And now he’s got Tim Walz beside him, also just pinching himself. No shame, Tim. None at all.
We are still in the fight of our lives. It makes me insane that the whole country, the world, is at the mercy of a few hundred thousand people across seven states. All of us are so scarred from 2016. But a condensed campaign (can all campaigns just be three-months long, please!), that is smart, sharp, and leaves it all on the field, is giving me hope despite the times.
Back in September I got a text from a friend saying, hey, I have an extra ticket to see the Fruit Bats tomorrow, want to meet me there? They were playing at a theater about 15 minutes away from my house so that was an easy yes. While I was familiar with the band, I really didn’t know much of their music but I prepped by listening to a couple of their albums on the way home from the office. Still, I didn’t really know what to expect, partially because I wondered about the audience. The venue is close to me but it’s not a big town, not near a city, who would be there?
When I first arrived there were not a lot of people, which is good for securing yourself a spot but a little worrying if it doesn’t fill in. Thankfully there was a decent crowd by the time the Fruit Bats took the stage.
It was such a fun show! The band was tight, Eric Johnson is a magnetic frontman, and everyone was dancing. A lot of the shows I go to these days wind up being populated mostly by head-bobbers, which is fine but I have to think it’s kind of boring for the band. I’m going to be dancing either way but I like it when I’m not the only one.
No one blogs anymore. Today I got an emailed newsletter from a woman whose blog I used to read all the time. She had stopped writing a number of years ago and switched to podcasting instead. Then she hung up her headphones and switched to a once a month Substack column. I still enjoy reading what she has to say but it’s different.
In the email, she announced that she is sunsetting her blog. Pulling the plug. Not that I often visited it to read entries from years ago, but every now and then I might think about something she’d written about and search for it and be reminded of the details. In a week, it will all be gone.
That I should receive this news on November 1, when I usually rouse myself out of my blogging hibernation, made me wonder if it was a sign. And if so, was it a sign that I should just go back into my cave, or was it a challenge and I should get fired up?
I had an idea for this year’s NaBloPoMo. I started thinking about some entries and then pretty quickly got sidetracked by election anxiety. A common problem. Plus the usual feeling that with everything going on, what the fuck am I doing prattling on about music and whatever. This is sure an easier exercise in the odd years.
But I am not quite ready to call it quits and I still like to go back and look at what I wrote in previous years. For now, I will carry on. Peace. ✌️
I bought myself a new phone on the way home from work today. Very uncharacteristically, I only spent an hour or so of research time before buying this phone. Usually I spend way too much time agonizing over the various options and then I just find the result kind of mediocre anyway.
Partly this is because I have always had an Android phone. I got my first smartphone (it sounds so weird to call them that now) when we were building a mobile site at work (another dated relic) and I didn’t have a phone to test it out on. My coworker had an iPhone so I figured it would be good to be able to cover both platforms, and work would pay for it. In all of these years, I think I had two phones that I really liked, the others have all been fine but nothing to get excited about.
Starting next year, though, I am porting my number out of the work account so I need a new phone, and for once I am not bound by the options that the corporate account deems acceptable. This means I am also going to be paying for it, which I haven’t had to do, so I am sticking with Android.
My current phone is a Samsung, some recent but not top of the line model, and it’s fine. The thing I like best about it is that it still has a headphone jack. I don’t have airpods, I don’t want airpods, and I want to be able to use the aux cord in my car and charge my phone at the same time. Finding phones that still have headphone jacks really limits your choices.
To cut to the chase, I bought a OnePlus Nord N30. A bunch of my friends in Sweden adore their OnePlus phones and work would only let me choose between the big flagships. It’s unlocked so I can use it with any carrier, and it was on a big Black Friday sale. I won’t have it function as a phone yet but I went ahead and transferred over all the apps and have been playing around with it. So far, it seems pretty nice. I haven’t tested out the camera yet, which used to be the thing I cared most about, but it does have a headphone jack! I decided that I am never really going to get great pictures at shows and I do use the headphone jack all the time so I may be sacrificing on photo quality a little but I will still be able to play music in the car and talk with my headphones.
I got so wrapped up in going through all the apps that I totally lost track of time and almost didn’t remember, the last day of NaBloPoMo! I did it! All 30 days! Thank you all for following along. Perhaps in my empty nest life, I will be able to make a post now and then outside of this November marathon. Here’s hoping!
"Some kids move because their parents take new jobs Some kids move ‘cause of napalm"
I am not a heaven and hell believing person but man, I would like to think Henry Kissinger is reaping in death what he sowed in life. Eternal torment, pain, and horror, motherfucker!
Noisy Cats 