Month: November 2016

I Found That Essence Rare

Gang of Four – I Found That Essence Rare

I was looking for a video and stumbled onto a channel with several old concert clips from New York City in 1980 including this one and a bunch more by Gang of Four. I’ll tell you what, if we’re in for dark political times, I really hope we get the kind of post-punk music scene that late 70s/early 80s Britain inspired.

Belong

R.E.M. – Belong

The 25th anniversary edition of Out of Time came out today.

SIGH.

This is hard. Sometimes I envy people who do not have emotional attachments to music this way. Other times I think I would have died a long time ago if I hadn’t had these songs to sustain me.

SIGH.

Do you know what it feels like to have a friendship that is unlike any you’d had before, that is more intense than any of the crushes or hook-ups of your life to that point, but to be in a precarious position, completely paralyzed with fear of fucking it up and losing everything? Desperate to take it to what seems like the inevitable next step but to feel like it’s too big a risk to act? So you leave words hanging in the air that surely can’t be misconstrued and try to leave the door wide open for something, anything, and yet, things remain … unchanged.

Now, have Out of Time be the album that is the soundtrack for that time. Brutal. It’s just one song of heartache after another.The only song on the album that didn’t make me weak was “Shiny Happy People” and that wasn’t exactly a comfort. But it wasn’t like I could just not listen to the album. I had to listen to it. It was like an addiction, so dangerous for my well being but I couldn’t do without it. Every song was perfectly describing some piece of my life at that moment and I craved it.

As I mentioned the other day, I hated Green when it came out. Eventually I came around but the way that album had exposed the band to the greater public, and consequently put me in a position of having to share them with people I felt didn’t understand or deserve them, was like a punch in the gut. Out of Time took that feeling to a much higher level. Here was an album that felt like a chronicle of my innermost self, playing to millions of people. Millions of people who couldn’t possibly understand the significance of it and how deeply it affected me, were mindlessly, cheerfully, singing along, in public! “Losing My Religion” was word-for-word my life in the summer of 1991 and this was R.E.M. and this was Michael Stipe singing those words and YOU DO NOT SING ALONG IN PUBLIC. No. And it was a huge hit. I can’t tell you how many times I had to just walk out of some place because it came on the radio and I could not take it. But “Country Feedback” was the killer. Absolutely destroyed me. It’s twenty five years later and I still can’t listen to it without getting choked up.

So much of this album for me is rooted in that time and place but somewhere along the way the song that transcended all of that is “Belong.” After a while it spoke to me in a new way and told me, it’s ok, you belong here. You belong with us but there is also more out there for you and don’t be afraid. In that way it even inspired my funeral playlist.

Since getting married and having kids, I feel like now I’m the woman telling her child, “Belong.” Watching and worrying, as parents do, but knowing that she also needs to find her way and feel a part of something bigger. With the world collapsing around our ears, I feel like this is more important than ever.

Life During Wartime

 

Talking Heads – Life During Wartime

This ain’t no fooling around. Another day, another hoooollly fuck. How is this real life?

I really can’t imagine what life will be like in two months. Two months. That’s all we have left. I am not one for dystopian novels but I’m beginning to think perhaps I should’ve read a few as a survival guide.

Burn the Witch

Radiohead – Burn the Witch

I had a bit of a “low flying panic attack” today when I was getting a little too freaked out about what the fuck we are supposed to do to stop Orange45 and his cronies. I feel like the man with the clipboard in this video and the mayor-type person is Paul Ryan showing me around the new unified Republican government and no one else seems to be alarmed. Here they come painting red crosses on doors and everyone is just waving. So friendly! Swords and creepy masks, that’s totally normal.

Of course, nearly everyone I know is alarmed, and I’m only saying nearly everyone because I didn’t get into a conversation with the cashier at Target tonight. But still I worry. People got used to his vile statements throughout the campaign and they stopped being shocking to millions of people because he was always saying something even more despicable than he had before.

Don’t let them normalize this! Continue to be outraged and complain loudly to the people who represent you in Congress. He will never be normal. He will never be normal!!

 

Panic

The Smiths – Panic

Could life ever be sane again? I’m going with no, not for at least four years. Hell, I’m not sure we’ll even make it to Thanksgiving.

Did you see that Glenn Beck, yes, Glenn Beck!, is terrified of Orange-face’s chief strategist. What’s it take? I mean, when was the last time you found yourself agreeing with Glenn Beck and thinking I’m so glad he’s speaking out. Never? Yeah, me too. Hell has frozen over.

I know the tanks aren’t going to start rolling down the streets on January 21 but I’m still panicking that we don’t have enough people or tools at the ready for what lies ahead. And it’s an order of magnitude worse than anything we’ve dealt with before. The usual methods don’t apply here.

I live in a house built before the Civil War. The house we lived in before this one was built before the Revolutionary War. I try to convince myself that this shows everything will be ok, but then I read articles like Prepare for Regime Change, Not Policy Change. or Autocracy: Rules for Survival, and that knot in my stomach tightens.

Accident Waiting to Happen

Billy Bragg – Accident Waiting to Happen

Yesterday evening was the first time since about 9pm on Tuesday that I didn’t feel like I was about to either break down in big, ugly, gulping sobs, or throw up. That calm was short-lived as Sunday morning brought the video of Kate McKinnon on SNL as Hillary Clinton singing Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah. 😢 Followed by reports of Orange 45’s cabinet  appointments. 😨😭 Talk about an accident waiting to happen. 😠

It’s a real roller coaster of emotions. I have read so many articles over the last couple of days, some that made me feel like I can handle it and I see a path forward and some that made me feel like we’re all fucked and oh god how do I raise children in a fascist regime? That’s not in the parenting books.

I’m sad. I’m so very sad that our country’s children have to grow up with the worst possible person as president. I’m sad that a tacky, ugly man will be the one to follow our dignified, classy Obama. I’m so sad to have the Obamas leave the White House and leave public life.

I’m scared. I’m scared of the violence against women, people of color and different religions. I’m scared rights will be stripped from anyone who isn’t a white wealthy man. I’m scared that we won’t be able to stop the horrible cabinet and court appointments. I’m scared there will be permanent damage to our democratic society and that our congress people will become so accustomed to the outrageousness that they allow us to slip into a fascist state. I’m really fucking scared of that. I’m scared of the rising alt-right all over the world.

I’m angry. Angry that the people who voted for him have so little concern for their fellow citizens that they were willing to unleash the Furies. Yes, I know some will claim they were voting for jobs or some other reason but shame on you for being so gullible as to believe a reality TV celebrity with no policies for actually creating jobs, who has never done anything for anyone but himself, will magically bring back jobs that automation has eliminated. I’m angry at anyone who is trying to normalize the incoming administration. I have a lot of anger to go around.

Where do we go from here and how do we get there?

Seriously

Leslie Odom, Jr., Sara Bareillis – Seriously

A little more than a week before the election, This American Life released this song written by Sara Bareillis, imagining what President Obama might be thinking about the election that he can’t say publicly. Leslie Odom, Jr., of Hamilton fame, knocks it out of the park.

I haven’t had the stomach to watch any of the speeches. I did see a snippet from the Orange One’s visit to the White House, maybe you saw it too. The uncomfortable handshake, the strained words, the drained expression on Obama’s face. I think this song is damn close to right.

I did not love everything about Obama. There were plenty of things I felt he didn’t get right or wasn’t quick enough about setting right. But he was dignified, smart, classy, morally upstanding, eloquent, and even had a finger on the pulse of popular culture. His presence was warm, welcoming, reassuring, compassionate, and his flair with kids…shit, just thinking about it makes me tear up.

Putting aside all of the more frightening aspects of the election for a minute, I think a tiny part of the awfulness of the last few days, even if it’s such a minor point that this hasn’t been on your mind, is that we were already going to miss the whole Obama family, but to be followed by a family that is so odious is just adding insult to injury. Can you picture his successor at the next (because you know it’s just a matter of time) national tragedy? There is nothing genuine about him. It pains me to even think about it. Seriously.

I have a lot more to say about the election but I’m not still able to do that yet.